Souls Searching

Soul searching.
Who would have ever thought it would be so painful.
The idea that we are who we are and there's not much to be defined
     has littered my intellect for many years.
Recently, it has come to my attention that I've been a sheep.
I've followed.
I've followed whoever I was told to follow.
I've followed the rules.
I've followed the lifestyle and morality my religion told me to.
I've been a follower.
It's not hard to understand why, when I consider I had so many people that I followed
     when I came into this world.
I followed 4 brothers and 2 sisters.
I followed a broken marriage, a violent dysfunctional one.


Now...now I'm soul searching.
Why do I desire what I desire?
Why do I do what I do?
Why do I still follow?

Just the other day I followed again.
I followed somebody's opinion of me.
You see, following doesn't mean that you simply follow in deed.
Following also means that your thoughts follow someone else's.
Following also means that your opinions follow those of others.
Your ideas follow those of others.
Your moods follow those of others.

Soul searching on the other hand is a singular activity.
It is not possible to follow someone into soul searching.
Soul searching is simply looking inward...curiously, compassionately, lovingly,
     non-judgmentally.
                                                            JoLee