Running (2007)

Oh boy...I'm reading this for the first time in decades. I don't know when I wrote this piece, but it was long before I understood that I was in an abusive relationship. At this time, I hope you can decipher, I'm blaming myself. I'm assuming that the problem lies in my ability to connect with my husband at the time. Nothing, I know now, could be farther from the truth. These were his words to me to begin to chisel at my understanding of self. The marriage did not end up the way the last few lines depicted. And oh man...did I try!

"I'm so tired of this"
Isn't that what I say
Every time I feel like just running away.
That's what I'm best at
I wish it weren't true;
Especially good at running from you.
When closeness comes
Up go my shields
I can't risk closeness and all that it yields.
My heart has been broken
By those who knew better
Now it's closed to the one I'm pledged to forever.
My hope is one day
You'll see who I am
And you'll open this heart and hold it in your hand
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